Carol’s Column

Three tortoises

So three tortoises were seen gliding across the veld and the middle one kept trying to mount the leader.

This was definitely a menage a trois because the third tortoise would nudge the second. But this, sadly, caused the middle tortoise to fall off.

Eventually, he fell off so violently that he overturned completely and his four little legs were seen kicking in the air as he tried - unsuccessfully - to right himself.

And then, we're not sure which tortoise, but one of them tipped him back over and he was once again on his feet.

At this stage - the menage a trois disintegrated as the one tortoise (we think the back one ) wandered away, his/her taste buds being tempted by some succulent green plant.

At which stage, the first and second tortoises proceeded up the hill and crossed the dirt road right beside us. Then, just as they'd reached the other side, the back tortoise mounted the front one - successfully. Because of this we surmised the first tortoise was a female, the second, a male.

Then for at least 15 minutes, they were at it. Suddenly I heard a large grunt and I said to dad: "Are you okay?"

Only to discover that it wasn't him grunting, it was the tortoise. Kids, I kid you not, at each thrust - the tortoise gave a terribly loud and extremely human grunt - sort of huuuh, huuh, huuh - finally, his grunts got higher and higher and he made a final grunt and slid off the female.

Upon which she immediately ambled off to eat a plant while he lay, exhausted.

Dad and I were mesmerised. During this time, at the waterhole - a few cars came by and they all stopped to watch the herd of elephants at the hole, but not one of them looked at the tortoises.

It really was a remarkable experience.

Later, we discovered that male tortoises can be distinguished from female tortoises by the fact that their underneath shells are slightly concave (so it fits onto the female). They also have defined hooks (I think called scups - I can't remember) which enables them to grab the girl.

And the noise is a well-known fact among tortoise experts.

Huh!

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