Carol’s Column

Forget the pyramids – sex is the way to grow old

Well, well. What next. Dr Daniel Oliphant of California, US, has discovered longevity. Dr Oliphant (65) and his wife Bella have slept under a pyramid-shaped piece of cardboard for 30 years.

Recently examined, they were found to display the attributes of 30-year-olds.

"I don’t think the pyramid will keep us alive for ever," said Dr Oliphant, "but we expect to live until we’re 150.

"Ancient Egyptians understood the power of pyramids, which is why they buried their dead in them, hoping they'd revive. They expected too much," he added.

Worldwide, magazines for wrinklies are big business. In Japan, a journal called Sexy Seniors sells like sushi as it advises 80-somethings to increase their sex lives.

Sadebei Ohasi (102), who lives on Okinawa, which has 15 centenarians for every 100 000 people, goes further. He says an active sex life should be accompanied by seven cups of rice wine each day.

Jeanne Louise Calmet (116) of Paris, France, is noted in the Guinness Book of Records as being the oldest woman alive. She delights in her three daily vices — "one cigarette, one chocolate and a large glass of port" — and admits to having only one wrinkle "and I'm sitting on it".

The French saying "naughty but nice" is obviously good for the soul, liver, spleen and kidneys, too, for in Lyons a 100-year-old man walked out on his wife when she accused him of having mistresses.

She was 97.

In England, scientists have discovered a gene mutation, in an earth worm that increases its life by 60% but, as Dr Des McLeod said: "We haven't got round to transposing it to human worms yet."

Meanwhile, in Chattanooga, USA, 90-year-old Porter Harvey made his first bungee jump wearing a cap emblazoned "Die Old".

The Australians are a particularly hardy bunch. Hundred-and-one-year-old great, great, granny May Maina, who enjoys a beer for breakfast, set a world record for the 50 m freestyle swimming championships in West Brisbane. And she only took up competitive swimming in her late 90s.

Roy Wolford, Boston University gerontologist, believes semi-fasting, sex and weightlifting keep you young. He could be right.

Ex-weightlifting champion Henry Crodd (80) sat on his stoep in Little Rock, Arkansas, beside his wife, Letta-Liza (80), also a weightlifter in her time.

"Honey," he said rocking his chair. "I have a confession to make. I have me a 20-year-old lover and each night we do it."

Letta-Liza spat out her chewed baccy (we call it tobacco), and rocking in her chair, said: "Henry, I must confess. I also have me a 20-year-old lover and each night we do it."

There was silence as Letta-Liza chewed her baccy once more. Then she added: "And 20 goes into 80 more times than 80 goes into 20."

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