Carol’s Column

Old age or not, 10 eggs per meal is murder

AN extremely tragic tale caught my eye this week. One Alex Hennige of Namibia is suing Sandton businessman John Brooker for selling him an aged Austrian rhino instead of the virile breeding bull he ordered.

Alack, the venerable rhino expired within 30 days of its arrival at Mr Hennige's remote game farm. And, according to the irate purchaser, although the rhino died of exhaustion, it wasn't exhaustion of the romantic kind, but rather that due to old age.

"The whole story is nonsense," said Marion as we discussed this fascinating topic at the book-club meeting. "The older one gets, the more sexually active one becomes," she added with authority.

Agnes Crump clicked her false teeth approvingly. "Quite right," she said as she moved her walking stick out of the way.

"Take Scottish sheep," said Marion. "A well-known Scottish dentist has become a millionaire from capping sheep's teeth. Scottish sheep used to die at the age of five or six because their teeth were worn, and they couldn't eat, so this dentist hit upon the idea of capping their teeth. Today these orthodontical sheep live until the ripe old age of 10. And there's a plus. The older they get, the more sexually exuberant they become. Furthermore, old sheep have more chance of giving birth to twin lambs than young sheep. So everyone wins."

My good friend Betty nodded. "Yes. The fact that the rhino was old would not have affected his breeding capacity. Take the late Charlie Chaplin, he was 72 when he had his last child."

"And what about Ibrahim El Korimiy?" said Bertha Ginkel. "He's a 165-year-old Egyptian whose oldest son is 98, and he's just acquired a new wife because he wants a young son."

We were speechless with admiration.

"Of course it's his diet that keeps him young," she mused. "Each day for lunch he eats the fat of a cow's tail on bread, and for dinner he enjoys 10 eggs. Then there's the yoghurt-eating Medzhid Agayev from the Russian village of Tikyaband, who has 151 children, the youngest apparently only five years old. He herded sheep for 120 years."

One is never too old to learn.

The following day as we sat down to dinner, I lifted the lid on my culinary piece de resistance.

"What is that?" growled my husband as he stared at 40 gleaming hard-boiled eggs nestling on a bed of lettuce.

"That's supper," I retorted. "There are 10 eggs per person."

"Your mother's trying to get rid of me," said my spouse to our offspring. "Do you know how much cholesterol there is in just one egg? Ten eggs is murder."

Patiently, I explained about Ibrahim El Korimiy and his longevity. "We eat badly," I concluded. "Wouldn't you like to live to 165 and wouldn't you like a few more children for our second century?"

My husband shuddered. "You have to be joking," he said, which wasn't very sporting.

In the past few days I have discovered that the world is full of virile venerables. Constance Young of London, a mere 110, has a daily two tots of whisky and a loving relationship with an 80-year-old.

Then there's Joe Basset, who's 103, eats flat fish and has a celibate 12 months every 10 years, while Fanny Thomas of Los Angeles is 113, eats apple sauce three times a day and has apparently fallen head over heels for her gerontologist.

I strived for family longevity, but there were problems and eventually my husband issued me with an ultimatum.

"I speak on behalf of the family," he said as he peered over a jar of apple sauce. "We have jointly decided that we do not wish to live for ever. We are quite happy to expire in our 80s or 90s and therefore we will no longer eat cow's tail fat on bread, hard-boiled eggs, apple sauce or yoghurt."

Being a democratic household, I took cognizance of the prevailing opinion and we have reverted to chops and chips.

But all is not lost. I have just discovered that Nobel Prize nominee, American biophysicist Barnett Rosenberg, maintains that if body temperature drops only two degrees, life expectancy is increased dramatically and we will live to at least 120.

"Why is this house so cold?" asked my husband this morning. "I'm freezing."

"Don't exaggerate," I replied as I chipped the ice off him.

Some people just don't know what's good for them.

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