Carol’s Column
Now it's see and tell
A HORRIBLE new invention designed to invade one's human rights has just made its appearance. And, although it is in Australia at present, talk is that this instrument will be in South Africa shortly.
The invention? A video phone.
It sounds innocuous. This cunning invention is a telephone that comes complete with small screen. Therefore, when you phone someone, you will have the pleasure of not only speaking to that person, but you will also be able to see them and, in turn, be seen by them.
There's no doubt that this is a boon for those hard of hearing. It means they'll be able to communicate by lip-reading. And that's great.
However, there are other implications.
I brought up the topic at the book club meeting as we discussed who would drive to Swaziland to acquire a copy of Salmon Rushdie's latest bestseller.
[LINE DROPPED IN TYPESETTING] phone?" I asked the girls.
"Fantastic," said Agatha Crump. "Imagine being able to have direct eyeball contact with your caller as you're speaking to him or her."
"Just imagine," said my good friend Betty and she shuddered. "What do you look like when you wake up?" she said to Agatha. "Personally, I don't even have eyeballs at that time."
We could all only agree. Said Bertha Ginkel: "Can you imagine an early morning call? There you are, in bed with rollers and cold cream, the phone goes, you pick it up and the caller sees you as you are."
"And," added Betty, "that's fairly safe. At least you're only in bed with rollers and cold cream. It could be worse."
We nodded.
"It already takes my daughter two hours to dress for a date and then she goes through her entire wardrobe three times," said Gretchen Hogg. "Can you imagine the performance every time the phone rang for her? She'd spend half an hour dolling herself up before she even got to grips with the receiver," she added.
Personally, I like the idea of a seeing phone. You could dress for the occasion. For instance, a white diaphanous nightie and long, blonde wig for early morning calls or a nifty red-devil suit complete with horns and pitch fork when complaining about faulty plumbing or appliance. The mind boggles. It's almost as good as appearing on TV.
And that's the problem. A seeing phone is an invasion of your privacy.
However, in every situation is a golden opportunity.
Only yesterday I ordered 98 bales of black lightweight stretch cotton. And this morning I fashioned my first garment, a superbly cut designer telephone hood to be worn when using a seeing phone.
It looks simply stunning and gives you total anonymity from the moment you pick up a receiver to the moment you put it down.
■
Editorial note
"Salmon Rushdie" is printed thus and stands; The Satanic Verses was banned in South Africa that month, which is why the bookclub is driving to Swaziland for it. A line has dropped out of the printed column between "bestseller." and "phone?", so the question Carol puts to the bookclub is missing from the paper itself; the gap is marked in the text. The drawing is signed Dov Fedler '89.