Carol’s Column

So who said parties are such fun?

DEAR Melissa's Mommy,

It really is so nice of you to ask Nicky to your dear little girl's seventh birthday party on Saturday late afternoon.

She'd love to come.

Unfortunately, our Kombi is out of action right now. It's at the garage because I bumped into Mrs Feitelbaum's car as she reversed backwards down Corlett Drive.

Luckily, there's not much damage — just the front grid and lights are smashed.

So I won't be able to lift the 16 little girls to the Bunny Park.

It's a little difficult to fetch Nicky at 8pm, as we're going to a dinner party.

Some old friends of ours we haven't seen for six years, ever since they emigrated to London.

And the hostess asked us to be there at 7.30pm sharp as it's a surprise party.

I've ordered the three dozen rolls but unfortunately I won't be going to the market this week so you'll have to buy a few lettuces at the veggie shop, or ask the kids to bring their own goodies for the bunnies and goats.

I think it's a charming idea asking the little visitors to dress in white and be fairies, but do you really think it's practical, I mean with the bunnies, goats and pigs.

We looked everywhere for a Grecian doll. It seems they're impossible to find so eventually we decided to give Melissa a colouring-in book and crayons. If she's not happy she can change them.

Nicky's not too crazy about curry and rice, but don't worry — she can have a hamburger when she gets home.

Cheers,

Nicky's Mummy.

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Dear Casey's mother,

Jamie would love to come to Casey's disco party.

Of course, he says he's not going to dance, he'd rather climb a tree with Dan and throw candy floss at everyone. But don't worry, he's got a terrible aim.

You know what nine-year-olds are like.

Yes, it probably would bore them to tears playing games.

Oh, I think it's a super idea having a candy floss machine. It should keep them busy for ages.

I'll pack the braai forks with his soccer ball and the projector. I'd appreciate it if you could remove the forks before they go through the lens.

And my husband says please, if possible, don't let the kids operate the projector. Last time they cracked the lens, damaged the sound and lost a reel.

Just little things, but very text cut off in photograph

Jamie hasn't got a glitter shirt or satin pants, so I'm afraid he'll have to wear his tracksuit top and joggers.

I'm sorry we won't be able to give Dan, Chris, Simon and Robbie a lift home at 9pm but as we're going to a dinner party, Rob'll have to pop out in between the Quiche Lorraine and the duck to fetch Jamie, so he'll be in a bit of a rush.

It's a pity you live out at Halfway House, because the dinner is in Kensington — oh well, it's just one of those things.

Cheers,

Carol.

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Dear Clothilde's Mom,

Just a few words to say thank you for inviting Ralph to your daughter's 13th birthday party.

What a novel idea having a Roman orgy. It really is unusual.

And how fabulous managing to get Bill Haley to come and sing Roman rock to the kids.

Ralph said you wanted to get one of the biggies — Frank Sinatra or Sammy Davis Jnr — but that they were both busy. Oh well.

I've packed Ralph's meat in his tog bag, along with his laurel wreath.

They were out of fillet, so I've given him stewing steak, if it's tough, he can chew harder.

I appreciate it's inconvenient for you to run him home at 10.30pm. Don't worry, it's OK.

We're only going to a dinner party with some old friends we haven't seen for six years, so we can leave early and pop along to fetch him. It doesn't matter if we skip dessert.

He's a little unhappy about wearing a fluffy winter sheet but it's the only one I have, unless he goes along in the fitted drip-dry with the psychedelic design. (Did Romans go for pop art?).

He could wear the lace bedspread in the upstairs cupboard. Perhaps it's a little chilly.

I hope the orgy goes with a bang.

Kind regards, Carol.

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Dear Mrs Hodges,

Thank you for inviting Barry to Henrico's 15th party. It's kind of you to say he's a lovely boy, and he'd be an asset to any party — Barry, I mean.

My husband and I were very touched by your kind words. And if he'd only learn to eat with a knife and fork, we feel he'd be a sensation.

Yes, he does have a quiet charm. His father says there's nothing to worry about, he'll learn to speak by the time he's 21.

I want you to know I think it's a lovely idea having a "Riotous Razzle." It'll be the first one Barry's ever been to.

I don't mean to be difficult, but don't you think that champagne's a little extravagant and that lemonade would do?

I think it's super getting Sol to cater, but Barry's not all that keen on caviar blinis — so perhaps you could ask the chef to knock up a hotdog or two.

No, he's never seen a strip show before and my husband feels he's still a little young. I mean it's not that we want to be over-protective.

He can read comics or watch TV in the solarium during the strip.

And don't worry, seeing you're not able to take the kids home at 12.30am — we'll set the alarm and Rob can stagger out of bed into the cold night air to fetch Barry, Kean and Guiseppe.

Thanks,

Carol.

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